Still No Baby

(The kids are tickling the baby through my giant belly, lol!)

i'm getting a bit anxious, i really want her to come out. Funny, because with my other two, i pretty much dreaded giving birth, lol, but this time i just want my little girl. i'm past the fear and the drama about it. i'm looking forward to it, of course, and it is pretty much all i think about (can you blame me?) but i'm at peace with it, if that makes since. Dale and i have decided this will be our last baby, and a few months ago i thought i would be reluctant to have it end, but i feel like i'm ready to go on with that next stage of my life, you know? Ah, anyway, i'm pretty excited.

There are no "real" signs that she'll be here soon; i've had alot more painless contractions the last couple of days, and the doc says i'm dilated 3 cm (that means nothing though). Baby has dropped too, so i measure for 41 weeks instead of 44 like at my last appointment. i'm hoping that means she's well on her way. The doc (surprisingly) isn't pushing induction, at least at this point. He casually mentioned it today, and i said no, and he didn't say anything else about it. He wants me to come back Friday though, if the baby isn't here yet, i suppose to tell me i'm still pregnant, lol.

Nesting!?

i just realized what i've been doing all day...holy crap, am i really having a baby? Because this whole pregnancy i haven't been able to get it into my head, and all of the sudden, TODAY i'm doing all these freaky things like i'm getting ready.

i went to the store this afternoon for milk--i came home with a van full of canned food, cereal, and other non-parishables. While putting away the few fresh items i got, i noticed that the fridge is full--really, really full, and though our freezer is tiny, it's packed with stuff too, some meals, and i never thought "hmm, i need to freeze extra dinners for when the baby comes" nope, never planned on doing that, and yet i notice that it's been happening ever-so-slowly.

The house has ended up cleaner than usual; i admit i'm a horrible house-keeper; usually i'm happy if the floors are clean, and the bathrooms smells nice. Today i did some organizing.

I put the carseat together (that's been sitting in pieces for a really long time) and i made a baby sling today. i've been planning, and putting off, the sling since the day i found out i was pregnant, haha. My sewing skills aren't great, but i'm fairly certain it will at least be functional.

The laundry is a mystery to me...i generally do about 3 loads a day, and today was no exception, except that i ususally wait until there is enough of one "kind" for a full-sized load. Today, i started doing it as soon as there was enough for a small load. i just have this feeling like "i have to stay ahead of it." That one, i find very suspicious.

i don't feel like it's going to happen tonight (at least i hope not, because the kids missed their bath!), but my mind keeps wandering to the finer details, you know? This is the first time i've put any thought at all into it, not to mention specifics! i'm starting to freak out a little bit.

i think i'll pack tonight, just so *everything* is ready, and maybe i'll shave my legs, lololol!

NST

My non-stress test went great; all they did was hook me up to the monitor and make me wait until i had a couple of contractions that met their criteria--they had to be at least 15 seconds long, and elevate the fetal heartrate by at least 15 bpm, i think. Anyway, that took less than an hour (it would have been 20 minutes had she not rolled away from the stupid thing during a really good one, and by the time the nurse came and found her again, i had to wait for the next one), so i was really happy.

As the nurse was getting my discharge papers ready (they did it in the "real" OB area of the hospital), she talked to my *wonderful* doc, and he said he wanted an ultrasound done too. The way it was explained to me, the ultrasound was to see how big baby was, how much fluid there was, etc--something i did only a week ago, and technically did again yesterday in the doc's office. Alright, i was a little grumpy, but i knew it wasn't the nurse's fault, so we hung around. What would it hurt, right? Well, after two more hours of waiting, and having time to think, i got really angry, and decided i had had enough of my doc screwing me around, making me do things over and over again for no good reason, and making me wait for an ultrasound (understandably, that machine is used for both women in labor, and those in the ER, so i was naturally, and rightfully, last on the list) that i didn't need--i mean for crying out loud, this would be ultrasound #6, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the baby or me, despite his best efforts to force something on me.

i walked out of the examining room to the front desk, and said to anyone who was listening "I've had alot of time to think, and i don't mean to be rude, but the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced that my doctor is completely crazy, and i would like to leave now." Wow, THAT got their attention. The nurse that was farthest away (who i had not even seen before) jumped up and said "let's go have a talk."

We had a very long discussion about my treatment thusfar, my doctor's forgetfulness, refusal to listen, and general attitiude that since every test he's tried proves i'm healthy, he has to work that much harder to find something wrong with me. i was really having a moment, my husband was ranting right along beside me, lol, and she was VERY patient and understanding with us. She kept asking what she could do; get the doc on the phone, make him come here and talk with us, set up an appointment so we could go to his office, anything. I said what i REALLY wanted to do was to refuse this last test, sign whatever wavers i had to, be done with it, and hope that when i was in labor, i could say that i didn't have a doctor at all, and hope that mine wasnt the one on call. Yeah, i said alot.

She got my papers together, and said that Tom (the nurse-dude who is just as slow, but at least listens better than the doc) was on his way to talk to me--in fact, if he wasn't there in at least 5 minutes, i could go ahead and sign those papers and get out of there (we had explained earlier that we needed to go get our kids). He did come rather quickly, and had the ultrasound tech and machine with him (the poor woman looked like she was being held hostage, lol). Tom seemed oblivious to my breakdown (i guess all the nurse said to him was "come here now" and he complied), and simply started explaining why i was having this ultrasound--to look again and see if the cord was around the baby's neck--WHOA, hold on, what??? That is not what we were told by the nurse from his office on the phone yesterday, or what the nurses there told us. Seeing my unspoken confusion, he went on to explain "well, sometimes they'll check baby's size, the amound of fluid, etc, but you just did that last week, so we want to take a quick peek with the better machine and just see about that cord" OMFG i just had this huge fit with the nurse about how horrible my doc was, how he was setting me up for failure, and though i really do have these feelings, the last straw really added up to a lack of communication between the nurse from the office, and the ones here...i did NOT know what to say. Tom went on "So you had some questions for me?" Ummm....no....not anymore, that really cleared up alot, thanks for coming, lol. The ultrasound took like 20 seconds once the machine was ready (8 minutes to "warm up" lol) It was really obvious to the tech that the cord wasn't even close to the baby's neck, and she was really irritated that Tom kept looking over her shoulder and asking "are you sure...that's not the cord right there???" i loved it, she looked at him like he was a total moron, and kept repeating "yes, i'm very sure, there is no cord on, or even near, the neck" lol.

i'm praying that i don't have to endure another office visit...i've never been in a hurry to have a baby, especially this one, but please little girl, don't make mommy sit in a room alone with those crazy people again...you MUST be born before Tuesday...

No Problems? No Problem.

i had an OB appointment today, and the doc "couldn't find the head" (only way he tried was through an internal exam, and apparently he has stubby fingers :P ) He was very conserned as to why the baby wouldn't have dropped by now (i'm due in 6 days), so he had his LPN do an ultrasound in the office, to make sure she's head-down and there was nothing else going on. He found that the cord *might* be around the neck, but there was plenty of fluid around and the heartbeat and everything else was great, so he said it really wasn't a problem, just to remind the doc during delivery, so he could look for it. Okay, fine.

On my way home, a nurse called and said that the doc and LPN discussed it, and they decided i need a non-stress test. They wanted me to come in today, but i had to get Dale to work, so i made an appointment for tomorrow.

Maybe i'm being overly dramatic, but it really does seem like these people have been trying to find something wrong with me throughout this entire pregnancy. i didn't get hassled like this at all before, even when i was 17, having my first baby, and single. They're perplexed; my blood pressure is great, baby's heart rate and everything is awesome (she's even making "breathing" motions in there, meaning she will have nice strong lungs when she needs them), my blood sugar is well within range (that was the first thing they tried to get me on, since i have "history of macrosomia"), and though according to the ultrasound she's on the big side (and i measure as though i've carried her to 44 weeks instead of 39), i've gained less than 10 lbs total. So why must they create issues where there are none? Do they just not like me? Seriously, what else could it be?

38 Weeks

Here's my baby girl; the tech says she weighs "6 lbs, 12 oz, give or take about 13 oz," lmao, so in other words, i've either got a 6-pounder, or an 8-pounder, and considering the fact that babies at this stage gain 1-1.5 lbs per week, she could end up anywhere from 8 lbs, to 11 lbs!!! So WHAT was the point of that test...? Oh well, i got some cute pics at least :P



The pic shows the bottom of her face; just 20 weeks ago, you could see her whole body in one shot, lol. i haven't been feeling "ready" for this baby, but i think i'm starting to realize that she's really on her way here, lol.

i had an OB appointment today; i'm measuring 39 1/2 weeks at 37 weeks, lol. When he was measuring me, the nurse-dude made a comment to noone in particular (my husband and a nurse were in the room, so i guess he was talking to both) that "i'm surprised she isn't complaining; she's really running out of room in there" He also told me "You don't have to wait for your due date, you know" I think he was trying to be funny, but is that supposed to scare me? I'm scheduled for another ultrasound, so they can determine just how big my freak of a baby is. Ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate for determining size, so i don't know if they're just looking for an excuse to induce me, or what. I can tell you right now, that is not going to happen, and they're really in for a shock when i tell them i'm not taking pain medication either. They haven't even asked me about that yet. They treat me like i'm the craziest person they've ever had walk through that office anyway. It's very sad. i guess noone else questions them.

Baby hasn't dropped yet. Mr.Nurse-Dude is very frustrated. i would be lieing if i said it didn't amuse me a bit. Am i really that crazy for wanting my baby, even though she's the size of a turkey, to finish cooking? I don't think so.

Nesting is a Myth!

whyyyy am i not nesting? I've only got 5 weeks to go before this kid is born, and nothing is ready! The house isn't anywhere close to clean, i don't have any of the "stuff" here (crib, swing, etc), and the area i was going to use for the baby's stuff is stacked to the ceiling with toys to be cleaned (i guess i "nested" for one day, when i decided to clean all the toys in the house, but never finished). i'm exhausted just looking at this place, and Dale keeps asking "so...where are we going to put the baby?" hmm...i suppose on that pile of laundry, over there. It's just as well that i'm not ready for the poor little girl, she doesn't even have a name yet *sigh.*